NIM

Ha!ha!ha! if the blog thing says its true, then its true!!

2006-09-08T21:44:00.000+01:00

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you.Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

vertigo

2006-09-02T21:34:00.000+01:00

okay, right, my boyfriend knows people. like people who work in those places that u go to for 'team-building-i'm-going-to-try-and-kill-that-fucking-cock-who-irritates-the-shit-out-of-me-because-he-looks-like-a-gopher' places. i'm talking about outdoor activities like rock climbing, orienteering, mountain biking, etc. and one drizzly saturday he and his mates decided to do some 'high-ropes'. for anyone who doesn't know what high ropes is, its where you are attached to ropes and you cling to other ropes for dear life whilst thinking about how you'd look if the person holding onto your harness suddenly fails and you gracefully splat to the ground. so, we drive to leatherhead tescos to buy barbeque food and drinks and then meet other people. we then drive to high ashurst outdoor place thing and wait around for a while. we then get started. we get harnessed up, we walk through some woods and arrive at some kind of what looks like medieval torture contraption and knit a few eyebrows whilst mumbling to each other under our breaths about what is going to happen next.

stage one ---->
there are wooden logs horizontally above each other being held together by wire at each side of the logs. as the logs get higher, they get further apart. the idea is that there are two of you each side and you have to help each other get to the top without holding onto the wire. being the tiny chink that i am, i reach the third pole and can't even reach for the next pole, this results in me holding onto the said 'illegal' wire and james (who is holding onto my harness from the groud) hoisting me up to the next level all the while the other girl (who's name i really can't remember) is seconds from being slapped across her mastoid process from the tiny chink who is - by now- getting really fucked off with her whining and exclamations of the fact that she really can't do this because she's scared of heights you know, and this really isn't what she was expecting, you know.

stage two---->
a ladder, a big pole, and a small platform at the top about the size of a large dominos pizza box. climb to the top, stand up (holding onto nothing). next person climbs up, next person, etc, until there are four of you at the top all hugging each other frantically and trying to balance on a slightly wobbly pole and a pizza box. once you're all up there, hold hands, lean back and sing ring-a-ring-o'-roses (ring-a-ring-o'-roses = optional). then you all let go and you get let down.

stage three---->
ladder, pole, platform, trapeze bar. climb up the procariously wobbly ladder, up the pole, onto the platform. three people get up together. the trapeze bar is about seven feet away from the platform, someone counts down and you all have to jump and try and grab the bar at the same time. so when it comes to my turn, i go up first followed by Kav and then irritating girl. that means i'm on the left, kav in the middle and girl on the right. alec starts to count down and i'm thinking in my head "no way i'm gonna make that but i'm damn well gonna try because i can't show the ninja community up" so alec is bellowing "THREE! TWO! ONE! GOOOOO!" and just as he screams "GOOOOO!" we all make a leap for it. i have my little slitty eyes fixed ever so hopefully on the trapeze bar, i leap the biggest leap a small chink could possibly try for and i'm flying through the air still with my eyes fixed on the trapeze bar and i'm watching come closer... closer... closer still.... SMACK!! kavs arm whacks me out the way and all the dreams of becoming a ninja trapeze artist are shattered. other girl and kav make it to the trapeze bar and i'm left swinging there like some kind of failed flying squirrel.

then we all have a barbeque lunch. yum. and dave gets attacked by small and hairy caterpillars. then we get harnessed up again and walk to the last part of this crazy day. we walk, and we walk, and alec slips on his arse and throws a small child-like tantrum while dave is on the floor doubled over pointing and laughing, and we walk some more and suddenly nicky and andy serial number 375937492 stop and put all the equipment down. we look a little puzzled at this point and ask what we are doing. they then look up and everyone follows their gaze. about 70ft up the tallest trees you could ever imagine is some wires and ropes. climb up the dodgy ladder, climb up some pegs in the tree until you reach the wire, walk across the wire to the other tree (lean forward when holding onto the rope that is going across horizontally or you just end up falling backwards) and climb up some more pegs until you reach the next wire where there are four ropes hanging vertically and you have to run and grab the first rope and then walk-swing to the next rope until you reach the fourth and its all over and you get let down. so what happens when its my go? the wind blows like the worlds heaviest man has just farted in the nearby vicinity and its blowing me backwards. everyone on the ground is screaming "LEAN BACK!!" and i just think to myself that its at this one moment i wish my ass was bigger.

definately an experience that was fun and should be experienced. i was hoping for a normal saturday that day with my boyfriend, eating, watching tv, getting slapped in the face by his dick. no such luck.

Fact: Working with horses is more dangerous than F1 driving

2006-05-24T22:01:00.000+01:00

Following a quite morbid conversation at work today, I ended up sitting in the staff room wondering whether working with horses was really for me. i mean, i like life, i enjoy being around here, on planet earth. Working with horses is just so... well... fucking dangerous is a mild way of putting it. It started with Isobel talking about her horses bad leg that just won't work at the moment and how she has read up loads on it and is assuming the worst, even though we told her that reading about it is not going to help matters, it will just panic her even more. The conversation slowly turned to horses being put down and how shocking some of the injuries we've encountered were. Broken legs, drownings, several broken bones, and a few more broken semi-rigid calcified connective tissues.

And then the short one and me recalled the time when nicola and her horse, brook, got hit by a lorry. its quite an amusing (but really shouldn't be amusing) story.

i was cleaning tack in the tack room with maddy, and all i hear from outside is the clattering of the gates, screaming, panic-stricken voices, screeching of tyres, clanging of horses hooves on concrete. the words i can make out is "BROOK... LORRY... FINGER... CAROLINE... ROAD... DEAD..." and it goes on and on. Next thing i hear is "NNNAAAAANNNNNNCCCCYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!"
so, being the savvy little chink that i am, i peg it out of the tack room and i see nicola grasping hold of caroline round her shoulders shaking her vigourously spouting out something very fast and imperceptible but something along the lines of, "BROOK IS DEAD! WHERE IS BROOK?! MY FINGER! LOOK AT MY FINGER!! THE FUCKING LORRY! HE WAS A FUCKING POLISH LORRY!" Caroline at this point is turning green from motion sickness and it looks like her head is about to fall off. her very shaken and not at all fixed gaze falls upon me and her eyes try to light up amongst nicolas panic, "NANCY! THERES NANCY! GO WITH NANCY INTO THE STAFF ROOM!" Nicola runs towards me as caroline is shouting "PUT YOUR SLEEVE OVER YOUR HAND! FOR GODS SAKE DON'T LOOK AT YOUR BLOODY HAND!!" By this point, nicola is white as a sheet and has now shut up and is staring incessantly at her hand.

Now, you have to do this and just try to imagine this, look at your left hand. take your ring finger, on your left hand. wiggle it. stroke it. be grateful its there. take the first joint of the ring finger on your left hand. the one just above your knuckle. imagine it bent to the right about45 degrees. that was nicolas finger. not just that though, oh no. now go to the next joint up. and imagine it bent to the left by about 90 degrees. and that was nicolas finger. it was a complete and perfect 'z' shape. so, nicola is panicking about her horse which has just been hit by a lorry and she is in shock from falling off in the road onto concrete. she falls off and curses blindly at the polish lorry and runs into the yard screaming blue murder and all sorts. and then panics about brook and where she is. brook, meanwhile, is with catherine (the woman nicola rode out with) and her horse, magic. and they are standing right in front of nicola who is worked into such a state that she isn't realising where her horse is and by this point, has grasped a hold of caroline again and is violently shaking her again demanding to know where brook is. after much chaos and more chaos, brook is safely in her stable with a big feed and a fat amount of hay and seems not too distraught by the afternoons antics. nicola is sat in the staff room with me, she has calmed down but that doesnt stop me eyeing her up suspiciously every so often. caroline is sorting out a vet for brook. maddy is cleaning tack in the tack room. catherine is talking to nicola about reporting the driver. nicola is not listening, nicola is worriedly talking to me:
nicola: do u think its broken nancy? (thrusts her obviously broken finger into my face)
me: erm...
nicola: no, i really think its broken. oh no....!
me: no... no! its not broken nicola...
nicola: ?
me: ...its just dislocated! yup, its dislocated!
nicola: really?
me: yeah, i think its just dislocated.
nicola: oh... i hope so...

the finger is unashamedly broken.

nicola went to hospital. her finger was broken. brook saw the vet. brook has never been the same with lorries. caroline went to collect her head from rolling down a hill. maddy is still cleaning tack.

this is why i shouldn't be working with horses.

PAINTBALL!!

2006-04-02T20:58:00.000+01:00

So we went paintball again today. After organising people and having about half cancel because the fuckers didn't get the day off work (even though I reminded them like weeks before), it turned out alright i guess.
For some reason, I wasn't as excited about it this time , probably because i've been several times before and the novelty experience is wearing off. The first few games were cool, we were winning. it was evident that the opposing team were just shit (it was full of girls. lik, not just girls, but girly girls. like, really girly girls.) and our team had a few girls but, you know, we were all shit hot. for a start, there was me, girl not afraid of anything other than intimacy and always wanting to be upfront in the firing line. then there was pleb, who is probably just as upfront as me but with a bit more intelligent about it, tactical and just generally thinking about what she was doing. then there was lucy who just kept getting shot because her breasts were getting in the way.
Anyway, i'll tell about the best bit of the day. the day wore on, my enthusiasm livened up although i was getting more and more tired. the last game came around and the marshals explained the scenario and we played the game and obviously, won. we then played the 'bonus game'. it went something like this:
Marshal: "RIGHT! TIME FOR THE BONUS ROUND! (they shout alot and so it has to be written in capitals for the emphasis) THE RULES ARE AS FOLLOWS; THIS IS TO GET RID OF YOUR EXTRA PAINTBALLS. IF YOU GET SHOT, YOU ARE NOT OUT! YOU ARE ONLY OUT IF YOU RUN OUT OF PAINTBALLS! OR IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE!"
right....
we're all thinking whats the objective of this game? do we have to get to their base camp? total annihilation? touch the crows nest? what??
so a chipper young lady crops up, "what? what is the objective?"
the marshal replies, "I JUST TOLD YOU! YOU ARE NOT OUT UNTIL YOU RUN OUT OF PAINTBALLS OR TIL YOU CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN!"
young lady, "what? we're all against each other?"
marshal, "YES! READY! 5...4...3...2..."
At this point, everyone thinks (and says quite loudly) "SHHIIIIITTTTTT!!!! RRUUUUUUNNNN!!!!"
manic everywhere, people screaming running, nowhere to hide. Blind frenzied panic. People (mostly girls) running out the game play area. I see Pleb leave, i assume shes run out of ammo. I see lucy leave, i assume shes run out of ammo until she says to me "Do you want anymore ammo?"
I on the other hand was having a great time. people kept shooting me and i was shooting back (obviously). Some guy shoots me in the back so i spin round blinded by red panic and pain and fire a single paintball. it sails through the air with the graceful swiftness of the wind that is carrying it. It hits him spot on. somewhere i never imagined i'd get. his balls. his left testicles to be precise as i found out later. He is doubled over in agony jumping around with his legs squirming, squealing and cursing coming from his earlier friendly mouth. I seize the moment and carry on shooting whilst i too, am doubled over, but in laughter not pain. he is being pelted by paintballs. he realizes what i'm doing and looks up at me. he then screams "RIGHT! YOU BITCH! YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!" He runs towards me with the speed and determination of a bull on heat. I'm laughing so much that it takes every voice in my head screaming at me to run too. So i peg it away and we end up running in circles round a tree stump shooting and maiming each other. somehow, i let myself into some kind of clearing of men and they're all shooting at me. five guys all showering paintballs at me. it quickly changed into one of those scenes you see in war movies, i get shot and whilst i'm trying to absorb the pain and shock, i get shot again, and again, and again. and it takes a while for me to muster up my energy against this searing heat in my back and buttocks to fight back. the whistle blows. I've never felt so relieved to hear the screeching of a whistle. i run to the others. they didn't run out of ammo, they couldn't take the pain. wimps.
I apologise to the shot-inthe-balls-guy. he seems alright with it.
yeah, painball is fun, i highly recommend it to anyone who has anger issues like me. i have the bruises and the mental corruption to prove it.

Update on life

2006-03-18T17:45:00.000Z

Its been a funny couple of weeks. After deciding to settle into work and get a proper career, I then had a slight panic attack at being grwon up and settled at 21. So, i decided to be immature, and have now decided to fuck off and go travelling again at some point. Between then and now, I'll get more exams done, learn chinese and spanish, have an awesome summer, improve my riding, save money, get a car, drink more water, run for cancer research uk, get up earlier in the mornings, read more, paint more, study more, eat less chocolate, be nicer to people.

I passed my sports massage therapy exam, much to my surprise. I really didn't think i would. not only did i pass the exam, i was one of two people that passed in the class of twelve. damn, i must be good.

I can finally open my jaw again. after the trauma of the dental surgery, i couldn't open my mouth properly, eating food was a bit of a joke, i had to squish bananas through, my teeth and brushing my teeth was a bit of a laborious ritual. twice a day. The stitches came out, just suddenly one day, they weren't there. I think i swallowed them.

I saw Trivium last week which was a bit mental, but very, very good and ended up in places with people i shouldn't have been with. yes, it was fun and yes, i got led astray, again. There was flick-age involved. there was god forbid-age involved. there was trivium-age involved. there was mind bending narcotic-age involved. i won't say anymore on the subject, i think most of you can guess. oh, and whatever you're thinking, i'm the good one.

Last night was quite amusing. Pizza, and magazines, and music and lots of talking. and then piercing needles.

rachel: "yes! pierce one of my ears!"
nancy: "yes! pierce my ears again and my belly button!"

genius idea, nancy.

a) ears, fine
b) you hate people sticking things in their belly buttons, let alone your own.
c) you fucking idiot.

so lucy pierces rachels ear and it is fine and good and great. she is happy. lucy is happy. i am happy. milly is on the phone.
lucy goes to pierce my belly button next. it goes wrong. it is painful. it is very painful. i won't go to detail, but it didnt work and now i have an angry belly button. (by the way, it was wonky, lucy)
so i say "okay, pierce my ears then" lucy looks worried like "oh my me, it looks like you're about to faint, i poked a hole in you, i am sorry, i don't want to poke anymore holes in you, here is something to wipe the blood up, don't make me do that again." rachel looks like "I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST WITNESSED THAT." milly is on the phone. i make lucy pierce my ears and all is cool until she shows me her hands and there is blood everywhere. oh dear... anyway, its all good, i have more holes in me and more bits of metal in places and alls good in the hood. thanks lucy.

so, all is fine and dandy. me and the rabbit went to the vets today and then to the bank and then to the newsagents where the newsagent was like "thats a rabbit" i was like "i know" and then he was like "thats a rabbit in my shop" and in return, i was like "i know" and he was like "..." and i was like "it says 'no dogs' on the door but nothing about rabbits." i then gave him money, took my stamps and walked off. bloody un-rabbit-sympathetic newsagents.

DENTIST!!!

2006-02-20T18:50:00.000Z

i went to kingston hospital today so they could rip out my teeth, drill into me, and make me feel like a dribbling wreck.

i was sat in the waiting room for a while before they called me in and then i spoke to the dentist man and filled out a consent form. i then sat in a chair whilst mr dentist man said to me "just gonna give u an injection. or three. this will be the worst part, once this is over, it'll be plain sailing." okay, i think, i'm not scared of the dentist, in fact, i find the whole shebang quite amusing. y'know, the terror it fills people with when really, u actually can't feel a damn thing.

so anyway, they start chatting to me whilst the anaesthetic kicks in and i tell them what i do and about the family, etc. just bullshit really that they arent gonna give a shit about, i thought they were doin it jus to check out how scared u were. it took about 5 mins for me to realise that the reason they do this is because they want to see when the anaesthetic starts working. cue: i start dribbling and not being able to talk properly and i start to try and laugh except i can't feel my mouth and the dentist and nurse start laughing too because they say that i'm the most amusing and the best patient they've had so far.

mr dentist man then says that he's gonna see if i can feel pain still and gets his impliments and starts to prod me,
"can u feel that?"
"no."
"...that?"
"no."
"that?"
"ARGHHHHH!!!!"
"you can feel that?!"
"ha!ha! no, i can't!"
"not funny! you're supposed to be nervous and scared and not be frightening the patients waiting outside by screaming out aloud!"

so anyway, the procedure goes on, theres alot of blood and theres quite alot of stopping from me laughing and the dentist is telling me off alot with some kind of bemusement in his voice, "will u just shut up for one second?!" and then he starts drilling and i have to stop him because he's not only drilling my teeth but also the side of my mouth. i don't think he really understood what i was trying to say though because he carried on drilling the side of my mouth and i thought 'oh, well'

hes then stitching up my bottom gum and i'm gagging because of the closenoss to the back of the throat and suddenly the dentist says, "you're biting me, can u open your mouth up?!" oops sorry, i didnt even realise that i was clamping down on him quite hard!
the nurse then turns to me and says just the top tooth to take out now, this one will be much easier. sweet, thinks me. not so sweet when after the scraping and drilling and gentle easing out of the lower tooth comes the brutal yanking and pulling and twisting of the top tooth. and they keep doing this harder and harder until it comes out. and when its difficult comes the
"you'll just hear a noise now..."
CRACK!
eww... again, no pain, but the noise is hardly encouraging.

anyway, the surgery finishes, i realise that they've shredded the side of my mouth and i apologise in dribblers talk to the dentist for trying to bite his hand off and not shutting up. i then turn to the dentist and say, "by the way, the bit where u said the injections were the orst part? blatant lie." the nurse then says "well, you're still smiling, can u make sure you're still smiling when u walk out to encourage the other patients waiting outside?" sure thing. i walk out grinning from ear to ear and a passing nurse looks at me and asks, "are u alright?" "yep, jus great!" "...okay....."

my mouth is now sore as fuck, i can feel the stitches in the gum, it hurts to smile or yawn and it keeps filling up with blood.

you better brush your teeth y'all and get yo wisdom teeth checked out asap as soon as they come through. or go through that process. and, believe me, i'm good wit this shit but i can fully understand why epople are scared of dentists, its fucking brutal and you don't even get a sticker at the end of it. although i did ask for one.

"He's such a peach!"

2006-01-30T12:56:00.000Z

About two weeks ago (maybe three...?) i went to see babyshambles. i hate babyshambles and i hate pete doherty even more (just want to take him home and give him some tea and a bath) so i didnt hold out much hope of enjoying this gig. first up, a couple of bands. then some more bands. then some even more bands. and still some more bands. must have reached about the sixth or seventh band before i thought "fuck this, if they don't turn up after this band, i'm going home". hmm... they turned up. at midnight. i wasnt happy to say the least, for i had just wandered around whitechapel by myself thinking that i was gonna get raped, met two random dudes who, were dudes, and then to stand around waiting for a band that i didnt really like wondering whether mr doherty had been, yet again, thrown into prison.
anyway, finally, babyshambles comes on stage and all hell breaks loose. crowd surfers are being thrown around, guitars are being thrown into the crowd and eaten alive by avid babyshambles fans. i almost get knocked out by pete doherty jumping into a crowd of pete doherty hungry fans with his head smacking me on my head. all is good. i loved it.
i hate pete doherty, but credit where its due, he's a showman and fucking good at it. in the words of rachel, "He's such a peach."

i am feeling shit.

2005-12-03T21:38:00.000Z

ha. Ha. A funny conversation between myself and my store manager yesterday:
Tiger: "Get yer coat"
Me: "....meh?"
Tiger: "I said GET YOUR COAT"
Me: "...have i pulled...?!"
Tiger: "NO. I want you to go flyering."
Me: "Ohhhhh!!!! ok."
I see how alot of male managers get accused of sexual harassment now.

this week consisted of tigers, le tigre, birthdays, ninjas, geishas, pirates (as usual), tattoos, cyril the swallow, france, harry potter (still), pom pom pets, ants nests, non-commital dance mats, warm chicken salad, beetroot, dirty clothes, discounts, a full realisation that i hate the place where i work.

I am going to lots of gigs next year. and on monday, the editors are playing, along with the prodigy and mastodon. and you know what? i tried to get tickets for all of them and they were all sold out completely. nuts and bollocks. story of the year, trivium, yellowcard, mylo and mew next year though... and korns new album is released on monday. i am happy again.

i haven't hated work so much for a long time, since i worked at millets (that in itself is self-explanatory as to why i hated it so much), but i am not enjoying work. why? because it sucks. my manager sucks. scrap that, my managerS suck, the work sucks, the non-promotion thing sucks, the people that work there suck (bar a very small handful, i hope they know who they are), and the customers suck. i'm a fucking riding instructor and fitness instructor for fuck sakes, why am i in a friggin bookshop?!?!? who knows, my own fault i guess... I LOVE WORKING. YAY.

Yup, i am in a shitty moany mood today because i woke up hungover this morning, it was a busy christmassy saturday in retail and everyone is out but me. meh. cheer the fuck up. see what working with freaks does to me? i start talking to myself. nnngggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

2005-11-21T16:32:00.000Z

ok, so we went to Southbank last week. it was a nice change from the mill/bacchus/the hogshead. we met in k town, cheerily got the train to waterloo where we were really excited and had the faces of excited cherubs. we got there and everyone was walking he wrong way. hmm... ok, lets ask some one... "sorry... i no speak engleesh..." ok. hmm... lets ask someone else who looks 'engleesh'... "oh, yeah... sorry.... you just missed them" ok. bitchin'.
so, we decided to walk to covent garden with out super navigating powers. somehow (with some help and by no means was it from me) we got to covent garden where we oooh-ed and ahhh-ed at some ski suits and then ended up in borders oxford street. yes, in my spare time, i like to experience the 'borders experience' all over the world (i've also been to borders, sydney).
anyway, after some more walking around, milkshakes, some stickering, some syrup, etc. we found ourselves in Trocodero...
the candy shop. i want all the candy. yes, i am fat and greedy and i do not like sharing.
The sheeshah place. was too damn expensive and i decided that i'm far too young to get lung cancer anyway. even though irish mark always says "what are you still doing here? go get cancer, dammit".
the horse racing game. never again. my inner thigh will never be the same. ever.
dance dance revolution. well... anyone who knows how much i love eye toy can imagine how much i love dance dance revolution. it really is a revolution.
after spending much money that i didnt have, we got the train home and played the sign game which is quite funny and spiggin hilarious if you're pissed. when you're out and about, try it next time, you might be pleasantly surprised at how much you'll chuckle to yourself....
step 1; find a suitable sign
step 2; replace any suitable words with 'fuck' or 'shit'
for example:
step 1; find sign. ie:- 'NO PARKING'
step 2; replace suitable words. ie:- 'NO FUCKING' or 'NO SHITTING'
the more this goes on, the funnier it gets. i now can't look at a sign without giggling to myself, which does not give for much street cred when you're standing on a platform grinning like a gay man in a fromagerie.

Nightmare of you @ Barfly, Camden

2005-11-11T21:03:00.000Z

last night was fun. I haven't been to barfly since i was, like, 17. when we walked in (me in my golfing trousers and smart black sweater) we instantly got stared at. All manner of youths were in this dark, dingey, yet well known bar/hole, emo, scene, fat, thin... Pleb (who was more scene in her skinny jeans, studded belt, starry 'verse, badger hair, etc) was alright and fitted in, but i just felt like a dick.
Firstly, the minute we walked in, i felt like i wanted to cry (emo) and we wandered around for a bit before discovering that nightmare of you wasn't on until 10pm so we left and decided to find some a) food and b) a cash point. Somehow, we ended up buying a birthday cake, reading heat and asking the nice (but weird) man in a strange kebab shop if we could have a plastic knife but he wouldnt give us one. bastard.
so, we trundled back to the dark, dingey hole in camden and lit the birthday cake which made us smile but no other scene/emo kids and then pretended like we were seven and blew the candles out which sparked our eyes up and by some unknown force, made us clap our hands like retarded seals. we then picked the candles out and took the ribbon off (which pleb then tied round my head along with candy bracelets tied round my hair, i looked realy yummy) and i delved my hands in and started tearing this cake apart and then felt really sick two bites later. We spent the evening trying to get rid of the cake, to the barmaid, to the merch guys (who then took our candy bracelets, kept shouting at us and then gave me a free copy of artrocker), and to some random girl who appeared to know everyone.
the band were really good apart from the really hairy saruman lookalike standing behind us that kept shouting "i love your sister!" what a penis.
After much drinks and sugar, we then somehow made it past all the "psst... skunk, weed, skunk.... psst...." and got on the train where we inadvertently continued to giggle like loons at the replacement of word on signs which i won't delve into now, but "house of fraser! HOUSE OF FRASER!!" came into it somehow...
Nightmare of you...

Plan.

2005-11-03T20:40:00.000Z

tomorrow i'm watching hamlet.
on saturday i will be watching fireworks/doing some family thing
on sunday i will be shovelling shit
on monday i will be piercing various body bits?
on tuesday i will be studying
on wednesday i will be roasting chicken
on thursday i will be going to a nightmare of you gig
on friday i will be partying
on saturday i will be sleeping
on sunday i will be shovelling shit and then going to the taste of chaos tour
on monday i will be nursing a hangover
on tuesday i will be studying
on wednesday i will decide to shave half my head, dye the rest purple, wax off my eyebrows, wear copius amounts of make up (as in more than i already do), take on a vow of celibacy and then climb up a tree and declare war on all ladybirds.

sounds like a plan to me.

picture by pleb

2005-10-28T20:08:00.000+01:00

I bought some sparkly shoes today. they're black and they're sparkly. And then we asked the man in the shop if they did red sparkly ones like ruby-wizard-of-oz-shoes and he asked us if it was for a halloween costume and we had to say "erm... no, we just actually want red-sparkly-wizard-of-oz-shoes. and he gave us a funny look.
Pleb still has chalk in her blue jansport bag...
Tomorrow is dress up halloween party party party night... that means alot of fun and alot of dressing up and alot of alcohol and alot of dancing... scary fairies, rag dolls and dead britney spears here we come!
I also bought a new phone today (payday see) and its all shiny and new and it smells really nice.
and then after i bought all this shit i thought "fuck. i still owe ALOT of money to various people." if you are one of these people, then hugest apologies. you will get your money soon. ish.

Funny? I think not Mr Dentist man...

2005-10-19T18:22:00.000+01:00

HA HA HA. I went to hosptial this morning for them to tell me that i must have surgery next year to get rid of two, possibly three, teeth. That is okay, i suppose, but then he told me that where the surgery is taking place, there is a nerve that runs close to where the surgery will be taking place. hang on, no, make that two nerves.
'Don't worry', he explains, 'one controls the feeling in your lower lip and the other controls the feeling down the side of your tongue. should anything happen- SHOULD- you will lose feeling in your lower lip and down the side of your tongue. BUT, you won't lose the function of them.' right... i ponder for a while, then nice dentist man perks up, 'On the other hand, if you choose not to have the surgery, you're teeth will die and your mouth will smell and become infected and gross.'
right.... ok, so i decide to have the surgery, its a small chance that i'll lose feeling, right?
'well... yeah, and also...'
oh, god...
'...the filling that your dentist put in , will probably com e out during surgery. that means that you'll have to undergo anaesthetic again to have the filling put back in.'
that means more money, right...?
'er.... yes.'
great, ok.
so i leave, completely bewildered as to whether i should risk paying out more money and lose the feeling in my lower lip and down the side of my tongue, or just leave my teeth to die and forever accept the fact that no-one will ever come near me again. and its not because of the garlic i've just eaten. The only bright side that i found in this whole shenanigan is that the nice reception lady told me that, 'it will definately happen after christmas, that means you'll still be able to eat turkey!' great. thanks. alot.

2005-10-07T17:20:00.000+01:00

Random thoughts for the day...

Have you ever sat on a train/tube/bus/plane and looked at someone and thought 'where are you from? where are you going? what are you thinking about? what are your first thoughts of the day?' etc...
'Why are you so ugly?'

Have you ever wondered if people see you in the same way as you see yourself?

Why are human babies so dependant on their mothers when most animals are capable of surviving by themselves, without their mothers, from the get-go?

Who invented socks?

What would really happen if we let the magic 8 ball decide everything for us?

Would we all be happy if we did what our parents wanted us to do?

What would have happened if you told that someone that you loved them?

Why is the moon made of cheese?

Do you think we can open the eclairs?

Why is there never enough time one day and then too much time the next?

Why don't you ever speak to the people you see around and about when i probably see these people more than i see most my friends?

Why are tennis balls so cheap?

Why do babies always smell so nice?

Why do peoples lives revolve around tv?

Why does thunder only happen when its raining?

Why don't we get electric storms in Britain?

Why don't mythical creatures exist?

If trees have feelings too, then do they carry on thinking and feeling when they're a table?

Why do they still use horses for glue?

Why can you not condemn a man to his death and yet vets are free to kill off any creature they like when it suits them?

Why do we have to wear clothes?

Why can't people be nice?

Why do people come into your life and then leave again?

Why do horizontal stripes make you look fat, but yet vertical stripes make you look slim?

Why can only tall and skinny people wear funky skinny jeans?

Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime you are near...?

What would happen if we really could turn back time?

What is our purpose in life? is it really just to reproduce? and for what measure?

Am I the only nutter who likes Fleetwood Mac?

Am I the only person who ponders about pointless things like this?

Why do we go grey? and lose our hair? and shrink? and start dribbling?

Why Hello there...

2005-10-07T16:23:00.000+01:00

Hello to all you sad fucks (especially Kirby and Horseman) who sit and read this big pile of shite. I love you guys really, and I might even buy you a drink next time I see you...then again...I don't think so.
At this point in time Nim is being chased and screaming - like a rabid goblin - by her 14 month old nephew. The arse in the air look is soooo attractive! I think Nim has died, shes lying across the floor rather silently...don't panic-no I didn't think you were-shes laughing now...thank god all is right with the world again.
If you see Nim in the next few days comment on the nice fat spot growing just under her nose. Which is now being picked...as I said earlier: ATTRACTIVE!! Shes such a catch, so highest bidder can have her. Anyone? Anyone at all? I'll start at 1p - and that, ladies and gents, is being overly generous.
Ha! Ha! Nim's being beaten up by a drum and bass dancing toddler. He keeps grabbing her glasses and trying to shove a phone up her nose. I think he's trying to fart on her head now. Yet she still just sits there and takes it. Someone is looking a little worse for wear, i think he did indeed fart on her head. Now shes pushed him over - the big bully!

I'm bored now, this writing lark ain't all that and a bit of cheese.
I'm off now for a poo...
LUKA

Orange jumpsuit guy

2005-10-03T19:04:00.000+01:00

I went to K town with my friend Pleb the other night. It was very interesting. After a couple of drinks where i met Pleb, some of her friends, some of my friends and alot of mutual friends, i then went down and sat by the river with kirby drinking an amount of cheap wine talking to random strangers (who could have potentially raped us, had we not been closet ninjas anyway) and then i went back to meet Pleb whilst kirby went to work. By the time i met up with Pleb again, i was pretty much wankered (which i haven't done for a long time), ended up in a brutal fight with some guy that i didn't really know, kind of went to Bacchus and then ended up in Samir's (cringe). Anyway, what i found really funny about this particular night is the people in kingston town.
Theres this guy that Pleb and i have spoken about before - we both recognise him. i see him everywhere and practically everyday. I saw this guy at Luke's 21st and he was wearing an orange jumpsuit... it was an 80s hip hop themed party, i don't think he really like to just walk around in orange jumpsuits. so, we'll just refer to him as orange jumpsuit guy. Anyway, i saw some guys that i knew in the mill and was chatting and stuff to them when orange jumpsuit guy comes over and starts chatting to them. Now, at this point, me and Pleb start to whisper to each other 'thats orange jumpsuit guy!' and i turn to Porno (another mutual friend) and say 'thats orange jumpsuit guy!'.
Porno says 'Eh?! Orange jumpsuit guy?! No, love, thats Alex. And it's Alex's birthday'.
'Oooohhhh....' at this point, i extend my right arm out fully and state 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY ORANGE JUMPSUIT GUY!' he gives me a funny look and begrudgingly shakes my extended, sweaty right hand and smiles weakly at me. ...
In a flash moment (you could actually see cogs reeling in his head) he shakes off this momentary foggy, cloud which is obviously hindering him and exclaims 'OOOOHHHHHH!!!! you're talking about Lukes 21st, aren't you?' I throw my head back and laugh and nod.
Alex then turned around and walked off back to his other friends. He didn't speak to us for the rest of the night.
HAR! How NOT to make friends...

2005-09-29T21:36:00.000+01:00

I now live in Kingston/Surbiton, this means that there may be a slight blog drought. apologies for that, but i have no internet access and i like stroking people noses.

Deep friction circles round the sacrum up the erector spinae...

2005-09-24T18:42:00.000+01:00

I have just started my sports massge therapy course. Its good, and very interesting but still quite demeaning. Luckily in our class, there is an even split of 6 girls and 6 boys. this is lucky, i'll tell you why this is lucky, its because we use each other for models (obviously) and if we had to massage a member of the opposite sex, which is fine, then thats fine, i can deal with that, but the guys in my class are either 16 or 55 years of age. That would make me into near-necrophilia or near-yet-legal-paedophilia. So, instead, i got paired up with a 17 year old girl who knew nothing, kept copying my notes, kept asking which bit of the anatomy i was dealing with (with a tired response, everytime, from me in the most despondant voice ever... "That. is. the. T7. ok?" and had no waist. I think i'm being slightly arrogant here, i am the only person in the class who has done anatomy and physiology and i am just expecting people to know the medical terms, but, hey, it still irritates me. And we get to learn how to deep massage the lower and upper back, thighs (posterior and anterior), legs, arms, shoulders, neck, head, and.... the arse. yes, thats right, your bum, your rear end, your sitting device, your cushion, your buns, your grab-it tools.... or also known as your gluteals. i'm so looking forard to that class. i hope i get paired up with the 55 year old IT specialist, just as a reminder of what his wifes ass used to look like.
So, i need to practice this massage larky, so if anyone wants to volunteer for a free sports massage, then contact me. i warn you that this is a SPORTS massage, and it does hurt... oh, and that its just a massage and no other extra curricular activities are involved or will be considered. unless, i'm deeply and sexually attracted to you, then its a definate consideration...

International Talk Like A Pirate Day! "AaaaRRRR"

2005-09-20T23:16:00.000+01:00

Arrr... - Hello there! Is also a term of exclamation ie:- 'Oh my good gracious me!'
Avast! - 'Look there!' Is also another term of exclamation.
Bilge rat - derogatory term for someone
Bung hole - In the barrels of a pirate ship, there are holes to drain the fluid out, and to plug up these holes, they have these rubber corks called 'bungs'. Hence, bung holes.

Couldn't find pirate hats anywhere in K town yesterday... i wthought that there would have been larger celebrations, but, alas, not.

Other findings today consisted of the fact that i have discovered that korean people love sitting on the top deck of a bus right at the front. true.

Story time! Yay!

2005-09-15T19:24:00.000+01:00

YESTERDAY, I GOT ASKED OUT BY SOME MAGS REPRESENTATIVE AND THIS TICKLED ME STUPID, SO HERES THE STORY:

A shortage of some paperwork in a delivery of mags made me go 'oh no! no paperwork! I must ring up the vendor (central books), so off i toddled to ring up Central. Conversation : We'll refer to the guy on the other end of the phone as Bob as i did not know his name;

Bob: Hello, Central books?
Me: Hey, i got a delivery of yours through today and there is no paperwork for it, can you fax it please?
Bob: ok, whats your invoice number?
Me: well... i don't know because i don't have the paperwork... duh?
Bob: Hmm... ok, well i have a list for 'Icon' and 'Diplo'
Me: well, i got 'icon' but not 'diplo', i got 'little white lies' instead
Bob: 'little white lies'? i can't find that on the system... (after much um-ing ah-ing and alot more procrastinating) can i ring you back in about an hour?
Me: yes... you may.
Bob: great, whats your name and number?

Blah, blah, etc, etc. said goodbye and i went off on my merry way to continue doing my work very conscienciously. About ten minutes later, the paperwork suddenly turns up and so i ring up Central again:

Bob: Hello, Central books?
Me: Hey, i rang up about ten minutes ago about my paperwork...
Bob: oh yeah, that was me
Me: oh great, how are you?
Bob: fabulous, long time no speak, eh?
Me: er... yeah-
Bob: how the devil have YOU been?
Me: er... great... thanks?
Bob: -
Me: Anyway, i just found the paperwork-
Bob: Well, that is just fabulous then, isn't it?
Me: ...yes... oh and we have all our mags and some extra... these 'little white lies'
Bob: 'little white lies' eh? Well, that means you just got them for free. keep them. gift. gift from me to you. happy birthday.
Me: but its not my birthday
Bob: nevermind, just sell them and get 100% profit off them.
Me: oh! i could sneak them into my knickers out of work and then ebay them, right?!
Bob: right! ebay. great stuff!
Me: ...you're immensely bored at work aren't you?
Bob: No! ...yes actually, can you stay on the phone til around four-ish when i finish work?
Me: well... not really, i kind of have stuff to do and i think they'd notice if i was still on the phone this afternoon (its 11am)
Bob: oh, ok... no, don't do your work...
Me: but...
Bob: anyway, if you ebay those mags, i want half the profit, i mean, i have just let you keep them
Me: erm, ok... half the profit
Bob: yeah, and then i'll come to kingston and pick up my share and pick you up too and take you for a drink.
Me: *speechless trying very hard to not double over in laughter*
Bob: so can i take you for a drink?
Me: erm... no!

*CLICK* BEEEEEEEPPPPPP.............

Then ensued a 15 minute session of laughter and crying and then me thinking, "What the fuck was that all about?!?!?"

2005-09-12T12:55:00.000+01:00

I went to the Swatch Urban something or another yesterday... it was tres fun. Especially, because of the fact that to get there, you had to walk up Brick Lane which is full of curry houses and you just get crushed by ram-raiding curry lovers all running and killing for the curry festival that was going on.

The Swatch Urban Blah Blah was pretty cool, there was MC school, DJ school, Breakdancers, Graffiti shit going on, Free runners (who were not so cool because they weren't actually that good at it) and the Monorex people were there. Toby was being all like 'Ooh.. check out my new phone with the big touch screen thing' and Ben was everywhere all at once and Muddy was dying and telling me about dead people.

I then went to Spitalfields market which was alright... then got the mission back to Kingston and went to the Cocoanut for Camilles birthday (I don't actually know Camille that well) and there were lots of new Borders people there who I don't feel completely in with. So i left quite early and came home where they'd locked me out the house. meh.

Anyway, i get to go to the dentist again today... and then watch cricket... and then go to the vets... and then wonder why anyone is in this existence at all.

WHAT'S GOING ONNNNN???????

2005-09-09T22:22:00.000+01:00

Super happy fun sliding was... super... and happy... and very slide-y... for full info check out kirbys www.chronologicalorder.blogspot.com its funny and exactly how she tells it. Difference being that she can be bothered to type and tell you about it, and i can't be shitted to.

The next biggest thing that happened to me? I got a lip pierce... its so cool. I wanted one for ages, and one day i decided to just do it. It didn't hurt and when it was in, it felt like the most natural thing. The most natural thing to have what feels like a screw jabbed into your teeth and gums and a chronically irritating ulcer which happens to be rock hard and when you eat, you find yourself chewing on this rock hard irritating screw. but seriously, that sounded like i was being sarcastic... but it did feel completely natural to have a thing in your lip there.
Its all swollen up now and leaking stuff everywhere, halfway doing paperwork at work, i had to run to the toilet because i felt the 'lymph' (as they call it... pus to the rest of us laymen) running down my face. i got to the toilet, looked in the mirror and half expected to be all grossed out, instead, i thought 'cool... i'm so gross!'
My Ma didn't notice until three days later, this is after a series of conversations and spending time together, etc. she's so dense... and when she did notice, all she said was, "But how do you wash your face...?!" and then went on to tell me that i was stupid for taking my trust fund money and going to africa when i was 18 instead of putting it on a deposit for a house... right mother, whatever...
My Da however, still hasn't noticed. Its 6 days and counting and he still hasn't picked up on the hardly small ball sticking out of my hardly perfect face. admittedly, i have been kind of avoiding him, but not really. i have had face to face conversations with Da, but he still hasn't noticed...

HOW COULD YOU MISS IT...?!?!?

2005-08-10T23:06:00.000+01:00

This pub consulted well, the prescription was :
DRINK NOW OR FOREVER NOT HOLD YOUR DRINK.

"Thats £297" 'What...? no, seriously, how much is it?!' (with a very stern receptionist type glare) " Thats £297... P L E A S E."

2005-08-10T22:49:00.000+01:00

So anyway, I went to the dentist today. Here's how it went. It went a little something like this...

I had been having severe tooth pain in the left side of my mouth for a while and i didn't really think anything of it until i started to realise that i had to eat everything on the right side of my mouth. when i decided to take action over this somewhat irritating pain, the somewhat irritating pain kind of disappeared. great, thought i. not great when the pain returned again yesterday at ten times the painly-ness. this caused me much, much, much distress especially because it returned when i was trying to sleep and i couldn't because the pain was soooo immense that i felt the need to either rip my teeth out (via the old string and slamming door method) , or to text person and tell them about my pointless distress. i chose the latter. i then thought about what i'd done and realised that person probably a) doesn't need to know that at 2am b) probably doean't give a flying one and c) i had obviously just done it in vain of digging for some sympathy.

Anyhoo, in the morning, i deemed myself in too much pain to go to work and set about trying to find a dentist that would give me an appointment today. the fact that i haven't been to a dentist since i was about 5, meant that i wasn't registered and no-one would take a new patient AND give an appointment today. Much to my dismay, i finally found a surgery that would take me and give me an appointment on the same day. it turned out to be the dentist i had used as a kid, all i remember from it was a big dog and a fish tank. fact.

i won't go into boring details, but i came out of the dentist having just paid £300 in dentist fees, painkillers, antibiotics, two more appointments and a promise that i'll get an operation at kingston hospital to get two teeth removed and then some more root filling work done. joyous. On the plus side, the painkillers are some kind of water soluble ones that look radioactive and taste like nesquik and just make my mouth go numb so i can't really talk and make sense.

I've never been scared of dentists, but this dentist left me sad and penniless after trying to rectify his damning words by telling me that i had 'on the whole, very good teeth that make my job so much more enjoyable... but you really should get them checked more often'.

Fucker.

G'day mate!

2005-08-08T19:44:00.000+01:00

I love this picture. For some reason, work has gone a bit Australian... baffles me...

I fancy my art!

2005-07-15T18:29:00.000+01:00

Oooohhh.... she's pretty.....

I fancy the girl i drew....

2005-07-13T23:14:00.000+01:00

This is me in a dirty lake in Ireland. That is Aoife who is trying to strangle me and push me over. And then that is when they said 'Climb that tree, it'll make a really good photo' so i did and then i got stuck and then they laughed and took photos. I don't think they really actually liked me in Ireland.

eireland fir!!

2005-07-11T20:24:00.000+01:00

I'm back from Ireland. it was so much fun. so much so, that i didn't want to come back ever. ever ever. screw you guys, i'm off to ireland. you know, in ireland, they have dolphins and whales and seals. you know, in ireland, they like to eat alot of bread and potatoes. you know, in ireland, they like to drink alot. ireland was fun. once you got over the whole 'tirrteh tree' thing (thirty three for all you small minded unimaginative cretins out there) it was fine, oh, and i did notice how everyone irish says 'thanks a million' and 'thats grand'. i think the best thing about ireland was the roads. firstly, the roads were so bendy that if you ever found yourself without any sense of left or right then you'd be right up fuck street. secondly, if you ever found yourself without any sense of left or right then you'd be right over a cliff and into some shade of green. thirdly, there were signs such as 'slow', not so strange, eh? until you reach about ten metres down the road and theres another sign that says 'even slower' and then another ten metres down the road and theres a sign that says 'did you hear me?!' oh, and a really big sign that says 'turn left' when there is clearly no other way to go, other than LEFT!!!! why? why do they do that?! lastly, i happened to notice signs near dublin for the east, west, south and north. clearly, you'd expect them to face different directions, but they were all pointing the same way, how does that work when its not in ireland?!

after two weeks of touring ireland, i came to this conclusion;
the irish are so backwards, their senses of humour are so dry, there is a constant drizzle in the climate (even on the hottest day), they can't pronounce the whole 'TH' thing and they're all alcoholics. I LOVE IRELAND!!!!!

POW!!!! POW!!! POW!!!!

2005-06-16T18:53:00.000+01:00

WOO!!! It's Thursday! That means that it's Friday tomorrow! And you know what that means, don't you? Yip, you got it, it's Saturday right after Friday! And wait for it, wait for it..... It's Sunday after Saturday! and what comes after Sunday? What's that? Say it louder.... that's it.... that's right.... IT'S MONDAY AFTER SUNDAY!!!
Now, you may well be asking what the fuck is so fucking special about Monday?
Indeed.
What is so special about Monday?
a) It's my day off - woop!
b) It's exactly a week until I go travelling for a very short period of time - pow!
c) I will probably see Mina, that makes me good and happy - fwup!
d) I makes that 8 days til payday - glib! glib!

Today, I found out that the ceramic cafe is closing down, I am sad. No-one will ever be able to console me through this and yet the whole time I am in mourning, I will be asking this very question - WHERE THE FUCK AM i GOING TO PAINT MY BLOODY CERAMICS?!?!?!?!'

THAI BRIDE FOR SALE
Excellent skills in all areas, very friendly, loves kitchen work, speaks incredibly good english, loves sex. £1900 per month o.n.o. Guaranteed not a lady boy. G.U.A.R.A.N.T.E.E.D. Please ring 07729-202-418 if interested.

MEH

2005-06-12T18:29:00.000+01:00

I am so hungry. I am so hungry that i could eat a small Hungarian child. I have worked my bollocks off for two weeks straight with no day off and now, NOW i just want to eat and sleep but the parental units are insisting on a barbeque despite the fact that its RAINING outside. Why, why, why is life so menially shitty at times? and why are we so irritable when we are tired? and why is it when you're starving, no-one wants to feed you? all i ask is that someone spoon feeds me whilst i try my very hardest to stay awake. day off tomorrow. day off tomorrow. day off tomorrow. oh crap, i just remembered that i agreed to be 'on call' for the second job in my life. gnnnnnnrrrrrrr....... cunting, cunting, cunting shit, why the fuck am i so fucking nice to people and fucking horses? cunting, cunting, cunting fucking shit bollocks piss pants donkeys whores. CUNT.

Some cleverly ironic name said...

2005-06-07T21:53:00.000+01:00

some stupidly naive Nim said.... who the fuck are you?
In the politest way possible.

FOR THE ATTENTION OF KIRBY

2005-05-31T20:40:00.000+01:00

KIRBY, YOUR CANVAS IS DONE. IT IS AMAZING.

2005-05-30T12:40:00.000+01:00

well, im kinda half way through this. there will be a super big arrow diving into the dragons heart and definately more blood and gore but i think its gonna turn out pretty weird cos the dragon has super small arms. im definately digging the whole dragon thing at the moment.

2005-05-30T12:37:00.000+01:00

after a much fun night with kirby getting told off in kingston by some big dude, we decided to graff up kingston with some big chalk (which is not a crime by the way) we decided that girl art is definately more intelligent. but this is pretty shit and very wrong.

2005-05-30T12:34:00.000+01:00

a caption that everyone should live by. whatever you ride, you should do it til you puke. yuppy yuppy.

Green fair day methinks not.

2005-05-30T12:25:00.000+01:00

Last post, i promise. im currently sitting next to my sister and my nephew. my 10 month old nephew is beating up my 24 year old sister. im trying to be completely oblivious to all this debauchery but its a little hard when the sister component is screeching " you're such a big bully! you meanie! stop pulling my hair! ow! ow! OW!!!". anyone who was at the pub for my birthday the other night will know that the sister does actually give off the impression that shes kinda normal. well, now you know the truth. shes fucking weird.

THREE DRINKS.

2005-05-29T15:26:00.000+01:00

Woah, last night was definately weird. There were far more people there than i imagined there ever would be, i didn't realise that i knew that amount of people. Then the whole thing of mixing friends who have never met before was pretty odd. I drank. and drank. and drank. and i was very drunk. it was like people had had spiked my drinks or something because you know what? i only had three drinks. yes, thats it, three. and i was wankered. i also drank about three pints of water which didn't help because i got home and vomited and yet nothing came out. so for every hour of the night i had that feeling where you're just lying in bed and your stomach hurts and you know that you should get up and puke but you don't want to get up because a) you don't actually like the feeling of retching and b) because you're a lazy fuck. so anyway, i i kept getting this feeling and i knew that unless i got up i wouldnt be able to sleep so every time i got up (with the ninja rabbit eyeing me up wildly) i'd go to the bathroom and air-vomit. in the end, i think my stomach got really pissed off because by the end of the night it was just going 'YO! this blows man, so i'm just gonna bring up all your bile now' and i was just vomiting bile. ew. three drinks. three drinks, man.

Location, location, location...

2005-05-24T21:10:00.000+01:00

I need a place to live. If anyone has a place where i can live, i'd love you FOREVER. I have recently signed up to easyroommate.co.uk and it all seemed really good and easy, you know, just sign up and they send you e-mails about rooms/flats they reckon would suit you. So, in my optomistic cheery kind of way, i merrily signed up and thought nothing more of it. 5 minutes later, a pop up saying that i had received an e-mail from 'James' at easyroommate had found me a room. [Kingston/Surbiton area, young, fun-loving people sharing a four bedroom house looking for a young person up for a fun time with their flatmates. Love socialising, sports, films, music, doing alot together (making dinner, going out,etc, blah, blah)]. "Great!" thought the imbecilic Nancy, "This sounds really good! and the e-mail service was so fast! I should definately call these people!" Carried on reading... [to share with two gay guys and a gay girl]. Hmm... not that i'm homophobic or anything, but i think i'll pass....

I thought i should create a post, it has been a while...

2005-05-21T19:45:00.000+01:00

This is what i have been up to... work, paint, gym. work, paint, gym. work, paint, gym. Oh my me... this is so boring. BUT it is T minus 6 days til my birthday, WOO!!! I am 21 on the 27th May, I would like lots of presents and love. please.

2005-05-16T22:59:00.000+01:00

is he not just the most adorable ninja bunny you've ever seen?! thats right, a ninja bunny. he is getting really good at the flying lunging attacks on command, however, this isn't really proving popular with anyone else. aww....

2005-05-16T22:53:00.000+01:00

Oh, this is beautiful. kind of. but this did get vandalised by some cretin who flicked yellow paint all over it. Luckily, i managed to deck that twat and get it off quickly.

Is marriage on the cards for me?

2005-05-16T22:44:00.000+01:00

I am beautiful. I was attacked by my favourite little pony (called Polo) today. He lunged at me with his mouth wide open, wrapped his jaw around my mouth and stuck his tongue down my throat. I think he fancies me... but I very much doubt that any other human being will ever kiss me again after that traumatising experience. Unless they're into that kind of thing, you know, used goods....

Butt sweat

2005-05-14T19:43:00.000+01:00

I have just worked out. That working out is very hard.
Thought for the day: At the gym today, I saw lady on the treadmill whose sweatmarks ran from the top of her shoulders all the way right down into her butt crack...

2005-05-13T21:31:00.000+01:00

well, anyone who knows me well enough will know that i do quite a bit of ceramic apainting, this is a plate im half way through, its taking me ages, the detail is bloody immaculate. gold star for anyone who can guess which is me as a cute child...

2005-05-13T21:28:00.000+01:00

this i did when i couldnt sleep one night, its called 'the idiocy of men'. ha!

2005-05-13T21:27:00.000+01:00

now this, is probably my favourite piece of the week.

2005-05-13T21:25:00.000+01:00

i did this last night, its pretty shit...

Friday the 13th?!??!

2005-05-13T18:40:00.000+01:00

Woah! just realised thats its friday THE 13TH!!!!! well, what friday the 13th type things have happened to anyone today? i've had nothing.... but i did have an odd kinda thursday the 12th.... i got asked out by a customer, did mental things at the gym, only slept for, like, three hours and did a kinda shit painting... grr.... damn these cursed religious, superstitious days.

Slint??

2005-05-13T18:28:00.000+01:00

I have a question. What does the word 'slint' mean? Its used in the context 'I miss you, not in a slint way, but I miss you'. If anyone can come up with a feasible answer, i'll give you a mars bar and a kiss. maybe.

2005-05-10T16:01:00.000+01:00

just to die for

Miss Nancy

2005-05-10T06:25:00.000+01:00

hello. today, i rode four times. i like riding. yes. yes, i do.

I am great.

2005-05-09T22:50:00.000+01:00

Ok. well, i painted a canvas last night and its so goddamn shit hot. Oooooh yeah! if anyone wants to see my shit hot painting, you will have to lay me first. Hyyyyahhhhh!!!!!!!!! Alternatively, i may post it later. or forget. meh.

NIM